It's got to do with it

So to pick up were I left off previously....

I've made a few observations in my 25 years. Actions and words are two separate entities. They say opposites attract but seeing these two converge almost never occur. There are people out there who say the words I love you to their beau yet show no sign of affection or appreciation. Then there are those that show a plethora of affection and appreciation yet can't utter the words for one reason or another. Both cases let ambiguity run ramped. OK, maybe that's a little extreme, but there's still that level of doubt. My thoughts are this. If you don't love someone, why give them lip service? Has I love you been throw around that easily? Has it become an out-of-habit phrase rather than a meaningful one. You betcha. Now how about those that can't muster up the words. Maybe it's because perhaps they don't love you. Or maybe it's because they are afraid. I dunno, I might side with the book on this one. He's just not that into you if he's not telling you he loves you. It's funny how extreme the spectrum is on this one. Some put all of their weights on this phrase and others let their side of the scale falter. The point is, if you feel that way about someone, say it. And make it count. And if you know that you will never love them for whatever reason, do them a favor and move on. Love is a wonderful feeling and should be shared and expressed. Life is too short to hold it in or waste it on someone who doesn't feel the same way.

I had this poem sounding more poetic in my head at work this morning, but it's 1am here and I'm exhausted so it's more like a stream of consciousness. However piece-ee it is, you all get the gist.

Weird Wired

Well today was an interesting day to say the least. I sat down on the el and rushed for a seat because they are very hard to come by in the morning. In the midst of sitting down I realized the guy sitting next to me had his arm around my seat and had to move it in order for me to sit down which he made very clear, inconvenienced him. I wish I had smEL-o-vision prior to getting on because I could have avoided sitting next to a drunk/high hippy/punk kid. As if the smell of alcohol permiating from him didn't wake me up, his lovely hello consisted of showing me a schizonphrenic ad and mumbling that the sign really speaks to him. So to play along with Crazy, I told him the sign spoke to me too. Then he continued speaking to me the whole ride into the office. Although the retched smell stayed in my nasal cavity well into my first hour of work, the experience was pretty interesting. Not something I would like to happen again however.

If someone doesn't say that they love you does that mean they don't? And if they do why don't they say it? That's the topic for the next blog... stay tuned.

I'm baaack

Sometimes, the lyrics of musical theater have a way of expressing my feelings better than I can. More succinctly anyway. For a year, I'm going to try to write in this everyday. So far, this has been one of the hardest years of my life. From deaths to feeling engulfed in uncertainty. So my best friend Cheryl gave me a great idea tonight. To blog about this year and what goes through the mind of someone in their mid-twenties. I know I'm not the only one facing these issues even though I walk around thinking I invented them so knowing that others have these feelings too make it so much easier. I'm not necessarily looking for answers because I know life usually unveils them when it pleases but maybe I'll find some clarity through this writing process.

I'm an expert at jumping to conclusions and seeking immediate satisfaction. Perhaps I'm continually faced with these issues because I haven't conqoured them yet. I tend to use the same tactics and surprise surprise get the same results. Sometimes I wonder if I'm stuck in this cycle because I don't allow myself to see things differently.

I'm a worrier for those who don't know me. Even though I know worrying doesn't do a damn thing, I do it anyway. I relate it to cigarettes. People know it's bad for them yet they do it anyway, it's addiction. Worrying is too, but without the slight high that nicotine provides. Everyone needs a purpose in life. I'm on the search for mine. Wouldn't it be great to intern at as many jobs as you wanted? Like a career taste test. That way even if you find your passion by doing it you can make a career change fully educated as to what you're getting yourself into. What does it take to be fulfilled?