lossssst

It's been wayyy too long since I've blogged. It won't happen again.

I'm extremely grateful for what I have but I wish I knew my path in life. Maybe we aren't supposed to know. Maybe we're supposed to fly by the seat of our pants. I don't know what I'm good at. I've always been good at physical things like dance, karate etc. But intellectually, I'm not sure what I'm good at. I do know I have to work harder than most people and that's OK. I'm not used to not being good at things so it poses a little bit of a challenge. I know I'm not an intellectual, so I need to work to be one or more of one.

Maybe it's because I grew up as an only child and therefore used to all the attention so a lack thereof makes me feel unloved. Maybe that makes me high maintenance. I don't want to make people aware they are lacking because then it's forced and well who wants to be phonily(made that word up) cared about?

You know, it still gets to me that I wasn't able to say goodbye to my Grandma Rose. Everytime I would come home and see her I was always afraid it was going to be the last because she was so old. But the last time I saw her I didn't treat it like it was the last time I would see her. I mean who could predict it but still.

It's funny how sometimes it feels like every aspect in your life is running on all cylinders. Work, relationships, friendships etc. It seems like only a short period of time when all are going well. Then insecurities creep in, stress and other things come in throwing the finely tuned machine off in some way making it unbalanced. I am grateful that I do have all three, which many people do not.

I think insecurity is a waste of time. If someone doesn't like your craziness, doesn't matter who it is, they can go fuck themselves. I'm learning to be less tolerant as I get older. It's funny how my tune changes from the beginning of this blog from being insecure to fucking them all. That's the beauty of writing. By the time you get to the end, you've already written out your emotions and the release has happened. It really is a beautiful thing. I shouldn't just write blogs when I feel like an emotional basket case. Then again, if Woody Allen came to, perhaps the world would be robbed of his creativity. Maybe my craziness is a beautiful disaster.

Thanks Mood!

I haven't posted in forever I know! I'm slacking big time. I'm watching Project Runway, and I just love Tim Gunn. I'm going to Hungary in April! I'm pretty excited. It's some place I'd never thought I would go. I'll give more details when I find them out. I went to Florida for Labor Day weekend and had a great time. Pictures are posted on Facebook :).

I love the smell of crayons. It brings me right back to my childhood. I love when smells bring you back to a certain time and place in your life. I get a stairwell smell on my way to work some morning. It definitely reminds me of when I was younger, but I'm not sure why. I think it smells good.

Ok, off to watch PR!